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30 juin 剩下的颜色（洱）—没有雨声的梅雨季—张震岳说思念是一种饼，那我是不是把它吃完了就可以。睡不着，摘一段对近代音乐史很妙的比喻：
“下面是我五岁的时候爸爸给我讲的:每一个音调都是一个小小的王宫。在里面发号施令的是国王（第一级），他配有两个侍从官（第五级和第四级）。听从他们吩咐的有四个大臣，每个大臣都与国王和侍从官们保持着特殊的关系。此外，宫里海住着其他五个被称为半音的音符。他们在其他的音调里肯定占据着显要的位置，但在这里却只是宾客。
因为十二个音符中的每一个音符都有自己的位置/头衔和功能，所以我们听到的作品就不再是一大堆声音，它在我们面前演奏的是一个故事。有的时候，事件混成一团（比如在玛勒的作品里，在巴托克或斯特拉文斯基的作品里更是如此），好几个王宫的王子都参与进来，一下子让我们听不出哪个音符是为哪个宫廷效力的，有的音符是不是伺候着好几个国王。然而，即便是这样，最天真的听众还是能大概猜出来讲的是什么。即便是最为复杂的音乐，它还是在讲同一种语言。
以上，是爸爸跟我说的，而下面是我讲的：一天，一个伟大人物注意到，音乐语言历经千年走向了穷途末路，总是没完没了地将那些老掉牙的话题。通过一条革命法令，他废除了音符之间的等级，让它们一律平等，他还制定了严格的纪律，以防它们中间的哪一个在乐谱上出现的机会多于另一个，并进而窃取原有的封建特权。王宫被永远地废除了，取而代之的是一个建立在平等的十二音体系基础之上的统一帝国。
音乐的音响也许比以前更有趣了。但是，千年以来，习惯了把音调听成王宫里的明争暗斗的人们，再听到一个音的时候很可能不理解它再说什么。十二音体系的帝国不久也就瓦解了。勋伯格之后，来了瓦雷兹，他不仅废除了音调，连音符也废除了，代之以一些声音的精致组合，它可能是出色的，但已经开辟了某种其他东西的历史，建立在其他原则和其他语言基础之上的某种其他东西。”
    29 juin 剩下的颜色(壹)-the callthe call是纳尼亚2的主题曲，是我最近repeat率最高的歌，我也不知道为什么，只是听着听着就会幻想自己也有那么一个号角，只要一吹，就可以穿越时空地把想见的人揪过来。
很多人说这片子很烂，并且就此嘲笑我的品味，可是我很着迷这种魔幻的题材。把这个地球上别的角落里的生活重现出来给人看，不是很让人兴奋的事情吗？我不愿意说是这类电影之所以伟大是由于凭空塑造出了一个世界，因为我觉得它们真的存在。而且这种铁马惊戈，豪情万丈的日子我很是向往。besides, 王子真帅。 最近总是下雨，开心不起来，周末又和fay讲了很久的电话，阴霾日子里的倾诉欲望很是强烈。与此相伴的还有庸俗的购物欲望，短短一周，买了4件衣服，2本书，2台相机（仍在觊觎另外两台相机）。难得这么挥霍，却还是觉得空空荡荡的不够满足，虽然我知道我的满足感从来不是由物质构建出来的。 昨晚和一帮nflsers 看决赛，我+ss和汤佩争论了将近1.5个小时的环保问题，那个时候有点被气到，也不够清醒，所以争论的points我已经忘记了，只是觉得当时很气，在这个问题上让我气愤，多半是汤佩错了！哈哈。想起上次和字母争论石油与粮食危机的话题，我承认经济世界的游戏规则里很难谈正义公平人道等等，只是不理解为什么考虑这些问题的时候不可以不要揪住别人做错的方面咬牙切齿，不可以真诚地相信还是有善良人类的存在，然后不要推卸责任，踏实地做好力所能及的事情。感觉长大了我反而越发容易犯傻，越发执著于所谓的真善美，也许字母说的“妇人之仁”我真的没有理由反驳吧。反正我确实够渺小的。
20 juin 我的脑袋里有一个看书看电影拍照旅行统统无法补上的洞。（不是脑残，只是。。。）我在被培训。
这是培训课程的中午，我只是想吃饭 / 还没有犯困时候的msn，以及方圆10厘米/桌面上的情况:
 细节图：
 审计精髓（这是小苏同学提醒的）：
 这是开始坐不住的时候，我的部分大脑：
 另外一部分：
 最后，这是另另外的一部分：
 all taken by N73.
11 juin 初夏的颜色N ——随便说说当“批评”“忠告”来自超过两个两人的时候，我就会很紧张地反省，比如不只一个人说：“你的主页都是图片，又慢又无趣”，“你这个女生要求太高，当你bf一定很累人”，“xx(某超女)你知道吗？那xx(某主持人)呢？算了，你只知道梵高”，“整天这么较真，缺少娱乐精神”，blabla.
有的时候我也会在心里撂下些狠话：“不过是个看客，你管我”之类的。
大多数时候我会感觉困扰，比如会没话找话在照片上下加些文字，比如不再掩饰自己八卦的一面,etc.
似乎有了旁观者的指点，我才会活得更讨喜更有把握。
可是还有些人也说：“我就喜欢你这副死脸”，“就应该继续恣意撒野”，云云。 --我就开始纠结。
后来我想，朋友们只是随便说说，我只要随便听听就好，日子随便过过，你说呢？
  准备发贴的时候，无意间看到今年年初台湾云门舞集大排练场遭遇火灾，损失惨重的消息，云门历年积累的音乐数据／制作图片等等全部成烟，觉得有一点沉重。云门的舞剧我看得很少，只有水月和白蛇传算是一瞥，林怀民的书作只看过《蝉》，了解不多。但是林先生这种满腹才华却立足本土，踏踏实实做事情的艺术家在这个浮躁世界真的是越发稀有了。坚持梦想的代价很高昂，让人生畏，可其实坚持梦想的方式却又很简单。从这个意义上，大陆倒真的很少出产人品才华都让人赞叹的学者文人，相比之下台湾至少有杨德昌吴念真等等。其他不说，只感觉台湾艺术家更加纯净，更加有原则，这恰恰是我非常看重向往的品质。他们也参与商业性质的活动，但是如果他们说他们的初衷是散播“文化和美的种子”，我信。while on the other hand, 我暂时想不出任何一个说这话会不让我感到恶心的现代大陆"文人" 。
所以，人生还是不能随便过过，但是一些虚名假利确实不必要太过认真。我只希望自自然然的做人，做些有意义有贡献的事情，如此足以。
9 juin 初夏的颜色六-dream tree 我小的时候常常用彩色铅笔画大树，树干是同色系但是略微有差别的咖啡，树叶是紫色。我以为那是我想像出来的dream tree。就像我想像将来的bf会有想要住在树上的念头一样。
所以当我中学时看到what dreams may come里面的女主角独自一人时因为想念而画的荒原上的紫色大树，是多么激动。可是更没有想到，竟然这明媚的紫色大树真的存在！ 在不远的未来，我会亲自去抱抱她。 想了半天以后添加的话——
我为什么那么喜欢树。 她是另一个空间的生物，有着与人类不相干的语言，看上去不理人，却总是默默的给与只有小朋友们才会珍惜的力量. 大人们顶多瞅她一眼，然后淡淡的觉得舒服，虽然偶尔也是会有大人决定要给树们穿衣服，吊吊盐水什么的，但多半不是因为宝贝她。
周围的人们与我的相处只是一段一段，很少入我梦。可是树们不论白天夜晚，不论在梦想还是现实的世界，都那么气定神闲地站在那里。 有时候我也是会讨厌她从来不说话，可其实她什么都没有做错，她只是无聊地看着人们被自己设定的人生折腾，如此而已。  6 juin 初夏的颜色五——阿拉蕾等你回家这么复杂的阿拉蕾和大狮狗只用了半个下午的时间：
 阿拉蕾的前中后像：
 ....
回家的路途很长，车开至浦西的时候，不见了机场橙色的阳光，天际低沉，画面的背景变得灰暗，偶尔经过的绿地却在灰蒙蒙的底色中跳脱出一种绿，没有灿烂阳光下斑驳的影子，微微透着蛋青般的黄。行人暗淡。
下雨了，我在回忆几年前火车上相遇的样子，复习你教的宇宙基础知识，等下次见面我还是会记得地球ZHI有46亿岁。
4 juin 初夏的颜色四   -地上的小孔呈出太阳的像
    .....
Red narrating: I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are better left unsaid.I'd like to think they were singing about somethings so beautiful,it cant expressed in words,and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a great place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man is Shawshank felt free.
....
Andy Dufresne: Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you dont forget. Forget that there are palce in the world that aren't made out of stone; That there's a---there's a---there's something inside that's yours, that they can't touch. ...
Red narrating: We sat and drank with the sun on our shoulders and felt like freemen. hell, we could have been tarring the roof of one of our own houses. We were the lords of all creation. As for Andy—hespent that break hunkered in the shade, a strangelittle smile on his face,watching us drink his beer.
...
These walls are kind of funny like that. First you hate them, then you get used tothem. Enough time passed, get so you depend on them. That's institutionalizing.
2 juin 初夏的颜色三——生日快乐     Ilsa: But why my name, Rechard? Rick: Because you’re getting on that plane. Ilsa: I don't understand. What about you? Rick: I’m staying here with him ‘til the plane gets safely away. Ilsa: No, Richard, no. What has happened to you? Last night we said- Rick: - Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then and it all adds up to one thing. You’re getting on that plane with Victor where you belong. Ilsa: But Richard, no, I, I— Rick: - You’ve got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we’d both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louis? Ilsa: You’re saying this only to make me go. Rick: I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Ilsa: No. Rick: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. Ilsa: But what about us? Rick: We’ll always have Paris. We didn't have, we’d lost it, until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. Ilsa: And I said I would never leave you. Rick: And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do you can’t be any part of. Ilsa, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. Now, now… Here's
looking at you, kid.
1 juin 初夏的颜色二  
SALVATORE: Now I understand why the soldier went
away just before the end. That's right, just one more night and the princess would have been his. But she, also, could not have kept her promise. And...that would have been terrible, he would have died from it. So instead, for ninety-nine nights at least he had lived with the illusion that she was there waiting for him... (This time SALVATORE is the one to explain something to ALFREDO. And ALFREDO realizes how bitter his story is and, above all, that the boy standing there is no longer a boy...) ALFREDO :Do like the soldier, Toto! Go away! This land is cursed. When you're here every day you feel like you're at the center of the universe, it seems like nothing ever changes. Then you go away, one year, two...And when you come back, everything's different. The thread has broken. You don't find those you were looking for, your things no longer exist. Isn't that the case?...You've got to go away a long time, for many, many years, before coming back and finding your people again, the land where you were born...But not now, it's impossible. Now you're blinder than I am. (Intense words, straight from the heart, and SALVATORE is spellbound. He whispers with a smile:) SALVATORE: Who said that? Gary Cooper, James Stewart, Henry Fonda? Huh? (ALFREDO also gives a gentle smile)
ALFREDO: No, Toto, nobody said it. I say it! Life's not like you saw it in the movies. Life...is harder. (He lays his hand on SALVATORE'S shoulder, gives it a hard squeeze.)
Get out! Go back to Rome. You 're young, the world is yours! And I'm
old...I don't want to hear you talk any more, I want to hear talk about you. SALVATORE gives a shudder that runs through his very soul. The setting sun lies colorless on the horizon. |
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